Dawdling

It seems I have an innate ability to waste time, or at least to ignore all the issues of importance and to spend a lot of time on something completely useless. I guess this makes me return to the timeless question of whether the ends justify the means. I always regret the time wasted, though I find myself rather pleased with the outcome. Is this a good or bad thing? Or is it simply another paradox that is within me?

I just spent the better part of an hour, or even more than that working on the header of this blog. Needless to say, Photoshop has never been my forte, so it took me a good while to recollect how exactly I was to piece things together, and to rework the coloration of it. I must say I'm quite pleased with the outcome; granted, the font could use some work, but other than that, the rest of it looks alright. Thank you Google images and the people who post amazing pictures~

So, I really want to make some lifestyle changes. Whether it is dress, eating habits (health), or practices (devotions/LSAT prep), I feel moved to really do something about this. I guess I'm starting to feel a bit more nervous about these LSAT exams, but I think there's still this fear of getting into it. I'll admit that I fear failure more than the next person, but it's come to a point in which I can't really procrastinate any longer. I need to get on top of this, or I will never be ready. *sigh* If only things were so simple.

On another note, today was the first day of Chinese New Year's. I spent my lunch with Uncle Dan's cousins and family, which was relatively pleasant. Strangely enough, it wasn't nearly as awkward as being with Kamla's family. I guess there's a part of me that feels out of place when I am with them. While they are extremely welcoming and gracious, I struggle to really strike a conversation with them. Perhaps it's because Uncle Dan's family has been to the US, so at least there are some things we can talk about, or maybe it's just that I feel a closer tie with them, but I felt relatively at ease. Uncle Dan's aunt (I call her 奶奶) is such a sweetheart. I guess I miss elderly people who are very warmhearted and welcoming. It was easy to converse with her, and she treated me like I was her own grandchild. Perhaps this was what made things better for me in a place so distant from my own home. It helped that there was an adorable baby who had silly antics to entertain me in the midst of all these adults, but it was good. However, I think I've had my fair share of large dinners. I'm ready for a simple sit-down meal comprised of some plain dishes. I guess I just miss the flavor of Cantonese food myself. I guess you could call it the "flavor of home."

At the moment, I am blogging, relaxing to the sound of Brian Joo's album Manifold. Good album I must say, and very fitting for my mood today, mellow. I think I'll get onto a few more scholarship applications, fill them out and get some productive things done (like dinner and LSATs, or my devotions~).