So in my pensive state this morning on my way to the bus stop, I came up with a good analogy, or perhaps a metaphor of what Chinese should be likened to. Chinese are like birds, particularly crows or ravens. It might sound offensive, but a lot of common behavior have led me to believe that this isn't too far fetched.
Much as birds do, the Chinese leave a trail of shells (sunflower seed ones) behind after consuming them, excrement is bound to follow (no thanks to the 开裆裤). They are loud people, likened much to the familiar squawk that crows give off, whether it is on the street, or barking into their phones. They are attracted to shiny things, gaudy, shiny things just because they assume bigger is better, shinier is pricier, which is a direct reflection of wealth, but as we all should know, this is only a superficial matter. In fact, what is sad is that the crow itself doesn't appreciate its own hidden beauty. It thinks that it is sad, pitiful, and dark because of its "humiliating" past as they themselves describe, but in actuality, they have merely forgotten to see the beautiful sheen that lines within their dark feathers, which gives them depth and hidden grace that is so rare in present society. If they would stop enviously looking at others, one day they might see and once again find pride in the creature it already is.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Over-reacting
It is amazing how a bad night's rest, wacky hormones and an e-mail can cause an overall meltdown, and I apologize for the previous post. I think I definitely over reacted. Having calmed down significantly now, not to say that I'm not still angry or irked, I am no longer a pile of ranging hormones. I am thinking straight.
However, there are 2 things on my mind. On the one hand, now that I am no longer seeing red everywhere, I have figured out a way to work with the system, trying to find a loophole here or two and will hopefully find a way to work it out with the idiotic bureaucracy. On the other hand though, a part of me is itching for a fight. I am tired of always caving into this system and working from within it. I want to fight it, but there might be too much at stake to do so. I simply have too much to lose. However, is it worth it? In my heart, I feel it is a matter of principle, I want to regrow my backbone and stop bending over backwards at their every whim. But practically speaking, reality says that I need to work with them, or I will only bring all the wrath on my head. It is stupid, and perhaps the future students will benefit, but in the short term, I will be the only one to suffer.
I'm still debating between the options, and I think I have to be realistic. However, even with realism, it doesn't mean I have to lose my ideology as well. Perhaps I can be a double agent in this matter and play both sides. If they're going to be sneaky behind my back, why shouldn't I? It's a bureaucratic game after all, is it not? It's only fair that I deal a few more punches before I go.
However, there are 2 things on my mind. On the one hand, now that I am no longer seeing red everywhere, I have figured out a way to work with the system, trying to find a loophole here or two and will hopefully find a way to work it out with the idiotic bureaucracy. On the other hand though, a part of me is itching for a fight. I am tired of always caving into this system and working from within it. I want to fight it, but there might be too much at stake to do so. I simply have too much to lose. However, is it worth it? In my heart, I feel it is a matter of principle, I want to regrow my backbone and stop bending over backwards at their every whim. But practically speaking, reality says that I need to work with them, or I will only bring all the wrath on my head. It is stupid, and perhaps the future students will benefit, but in the short term, I will be the only one to suffer.
I'm still debating between the options, and I think I have to be realistic. However, even with realism, it doesn't mean I have to lose my ideology as well. Perhaps I can be a double agent in this matter and play both sides. If they're going to be sneaky behind my back, why shouldn't I? It's a bureaucratic game after all, is it not? It's only fair that I deal a few more punches before I go.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Venting
I seem to have a number of limited outlets in venting these days, and I don't think it would be fair to unleash that wrath on just one individual. I think I'm just so completely fed up by a system that is arbitrated by incompetent people. STOP making decisions that you have no idea how they'll affect the people under you. STOP making changes to a program every term, just because you can. There has to be a law that protects me or some rule at the university that prevents this. I am just tired, tired with it and tired with dealing with it.
Perhaps it is a good thing that I'm by myself this weekend, I just feel like bawling to myself and then curling into a fetal position. Honestly, my sanity is being tested here. Right when I thought I had everything in order, everything is pulled out from right under me. I don't know whether to cry or to just scream.
I think lately I've been depressed beyond reason. It's not the nostalgia, but maybe it's just this streak of bad luck. I have no motivation. Every single scholarship application I've applied to this year has ended in rejection. I am not eligible for any positions with stipends at the university. I have no reason to believe I can do well on the LSATs, let alone get accepted by Law school and receive funding while I'm there. I feel like I have wasted an entire year abroad, having learned not a single thing that would contribute to my academic success. Yes, I have come to understand the culture more in China and even the working environment, but I am just so burdened by this load. Maybe I am depressed... and that's why everything seems so downright gray and dismal. Maybe I just need to cry, a good long cry, since I've been holding everything in. It's so downright weak, but maybe after that I'll start thinking like a sane person again.
Oh yeah, one thing I forgot to mention was my recent declining health in lieu with the bad luck. It started out with not being able to sleep, light sensitivity, noise sensitivity, and then dry throat/allergies developing, post-nasal drip starting again, muscle pain, getting food poisoning, and now I think I might have had a minor heart attack. I recall reading somewhere that young people have often had heart attacks without even realizing it. My upper chest cavity all of a sudden had needles in it this afternoon. If voodoo works, this must be what it feels like, because it was like someone was stabbing needles in my chest. It hurt to breathe. While it's subsided now, the pain is still there. What is wrong with me?
Perhaps it is a good thing that I'm by myself this weekend, I just feel like bawling to myself and then curling into a fetal position. Honestly, my sanity is being tested here. Right when I thought I had everything in order, everything is pulled out from right under me. I don't know whether to cry or to just scream.
I think lately I've been depressed beyond reason. It's not the nostalgia, but maybe it's just this streak of bad luck. I have no motivation. Every single scholarship application I've applied to this year has ended in rejection. I am not eligible for any positions with stipends at the university. I have no reason to believe I can do well on the LSATs, let alone get accepted by Law school and receive funding while I'm there. I feel like I have wasted an entire year abroad, having learned not a single thing that would contribute to my academic success. Yes, I have come to understand the culture more in China and even the working environment, but I am just so burdened by this load. Maybe I am depressed... and that's why everything seems so downright gray and dismal. Maybe I just need to cry, a good long cry, since I've been holding everything in. It's so downright weak, but maybe after that I'll start thinking like a sane person again.
Oh yeah, one thing I forgot to mention was my recent declining health in lieu with the bad luck. It started out with not being able to sleep, light sensitivity, noise sensitivity, and then dry throat/allergies developing, post-nasal drip starting again, muscle pain, getting food poisoning, and now I think I might have had a minor heart attack. I recall reading somewhere that young people have often had heart attacks without even realizing it. My upper chest cavity all of a sudden had needles in it this afternoon. If voodoo works, this must be what it feels like, because it was like someone was stabbing needles in my chest. It hurt to breathe. While it's subsided now, the pain is still there. What is wrong with me?
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Journey to the Courthouse
Having been at the firm for the better part of two months now, it has been difficult to get the opportunity to visit an actual courthouse and sit in on a session, namely because of my lack of Chinese identification. It is really a bureaucratic issue, tied up in politics and not wanting a "foreigner" to see the true inner workings of Law in China, but today, I finally was able to go visit one as a result of the corrupt system and networking. Apparently, the judge who was to oversee the case was a close friend of the coworker taking me there.
As we sat in the car riding over to Jiang Ning, my two coworkers were kind of enough to go over the prospect of the case. It wasn't complicated per se, but essentially, due to one tiny typo he made, the case was delayed for an entire year. It proves to show that it's all about money, because the specifics weren't even important, but due to the delay, this would cost their side more money.
However, I think I have been facing a streak of bad luck lately, because much like the other meeting was canceled, this one, the defense failed to show up and had merely settled. I did not get to observe a court proceeding in the end, and watched them sign papers instead. However, at the very minimum, I was grateful to actually see firsthand what a courthouse in China looked like. As my coworkers had explained, Law in China is very relaxed, both in execution and dress code. My coworker wore sneakers and jeans to the courthouse today, and the funny thing was that he wasn't the only one. I think I've come to realize the two crucial differences between Law in China and Law in the US.
In China, Law is for functionality. The standard case takes only 3-4 months to handle, and a majority of people in the nation are encouraged to avoid the courts because that would be a) inefficient, and b) there is simply too great a population for the court systems to handle all the civil disputes between people.
In the US though, Law is based on principle, a value of justice. Everyone is entitled to an attorney, a right to sue, a right to take something up with the courts and even appeal when you are displeased with the ruling. I think this shows the stark difference between the two. As a result, sometimes it feels like China doesn't take the Law seriously enough, but that is in fact only because we treat it as a value, upholding justice. For them, it is simply a system to get things done; there is no moral issue involved.
A funny thing I found while I was visiting the court house was that my coworker pointed to a van. He said that this was a law firm that's been there for years, and consists of 2 people. As I had a face of "No way!" there it was, a van with a sign saying "打官司." I so wish I had a camera on me at the moment, but this is a perfect example of what Law is in China. As long as they get the job done, it's fine. Proper procedure and principle are thrown out the window. China's legal system is indeed interesting.
On a completely separate note, I heard the funniest commentary today on the radio on the way back from the courthouse. Some DJ was commenting on the Expo, and how it was such a wonderful opportunity for people in China to sample different authentic foods from all over the world. He explained that all the foods were imported from their countries. And here was the funny part, he was asking that they lower the price. I think somewhere between his naivette and not thinking about how people run businesses for profit, the Chinese government had given a list of suggested prices that the average citizen in China could afford. I simply thought it was naive. Even if they do not profit, they do need to break even. The radio DJ had said, please don't make it so "高高在上" so that the 普通老百姓 can also try these foods. I don't think he realized it wasn't that they wanted to exclusively target a certain high-class community. These foods are simply that expensive if you want it good. Cheese is not cheap, and to import it all the way from their home country to China is not an easy feat either (consider tariffs and such). We're typically charged 4xs the normal price of things for imported goods, how much more so would this happen in a restaurant at the Expo? I think China is displeased that things aren't going their way because it's not nearly as controlled of an environment as something as short as the Olympics. Oh well, it's a mutual learning experience.
As we sat in the car riding over to Jiang Ning, my two coworkers were kind of enough to go over the prospect of the case. It wasn't complicated per se, but essentially, due to one tiny typo he made, the case was delayed for an entire year. It proves to show that it's all about money, because the specifics weren't even important, but due to the delay, this would cost their side more money.
However, I think I have been facing a streak of bad luck lately, because much like the other meeting was canceled, this one, the defense failed to show up and had merely settled. I did not get to observe a court proceeding in the end, and watched them sign papers instead. However, at the very minimum, I was grateful to actually see firsthand what a courthouse in China looked like. As my coworkers had explained, Law in China is very relaxed, both in execution and dress code. My coworker wore sneakers and jeans to the courthouse today, and the funny thing was that he wasn't the only one. I think I've come to realize the two crucial differences between Law in China and Law in the US.
In China, Law is for functionality. The standard case takes only 3-4 months to handle, and a majority of people in the nation are encouraged to avoid the courts because that would be a) inefficient, and b) there is simply too great a population for the court systems to handle all the civil disputes between people.
In the US though, Law is based on principle, a value of justice. Everyone is entitled to an attorney, a right to sue, a right to take something up with the courts and even appeal when you are displeased with the ruling. I think this shows the stark difference between the two. As a result, sometimes it feels like China doesn't take the Law seriously enough, but that is in fact only because we treat it as a value, upholding justice. For them, it is simply a system to get things done; there is no moral issue involved.
A funny thing I found while I was visiting the court house was that my coworker pointed to a van. He said that this was a law firm that's been there for years, and consists of 2 people. As I had a face of "No way!" there it was, a van with a sign saying "打官司." I so wish I had a camera on me at the moment, but this is a perfect example of what Law is in China. As long as they get the job done, it's fine. Proper procedure and principle are thrown out the window. China's legal system is indeed interesting.
On a completely separate note, I heard the funniest commentary today on the radio on the way back from the courthouse. Some DJ was commenting on the Expo, and how it was such a wonderful opportunity for people in China to sample different authentic foods from all over the world. He explained that all the foods were imported from their countries. And here was the funny part, he was asking that they lower the price. I think somewhere between his naivette and not thinking about how people run businesses for profit, the Chinese government had given a list of suggested prices that the average citizen in China could afford. I simply thought it was naive. Even if they do not profit, they do need to break even. The radio DJ had said, please don't make it so "高高在上" so that the 普通老百姓 can also try these foods. I don't think he realized it wasn't that they wanted to exclusively target a certain high-class community. These foods are simply that expensive if you want it good. Cheese is not cheap, and to import it all the way from their home country to China is not an easy feat either (consider tariffs and such). We're typically charged 4xs the normal price of things for imported goods, how much more so would this happen in a restaurant at the Expo? I think China is displeased that things aren't going their way because it's not nearly as controlled of an environment as something as short as the Olympics. Oh well, it's a mutual learning experience.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Weather, Expats, and the Long Weekend
The weather has fortunately finally warmed up, but a part of me is sad, as I had essentially missed out on Spring. Nanjing weather has been odd to say the least, even the locals say so, but it is sad that it went from the low 40-50s and suddenly jumped into the high 80s. I would have enjoyed having a few weeks of 70s weather, but now, it is just warm and muggy. I enjoy the warm weather, but humidity has always been killer for me, and apparently is killing my giant appetite, which would do me some good, since I've gained a considerable amount of weight.
This last weekend was a 3-day weekend, a national holiday that everyone often takes the opportunity to travel. I on the other hand, have grown much too burnt out with the hustle and bustle, and decided to stay at "home" in Nanjing. It was nice to just chill, and really have no tasks to do. It was mainly playing catch up on some much needed tasks, such as cleaning the apartment, sweeping, mopping floors, scrubbing the toilet and such. Probably more detail than anyone needs to know, but it was good to get something done.
On Monday night, Kamla and I went to Sculpting in Time to eat, and met an expat who was teaching as a professor at one of the local universities. I don't mean to complain, but meeting this gentleman was a complete waste of time. We had almost finished dinner and were preparing to go, when this total stranger next to us struck a conversation with us. Having heard us converse in English, he knew that we were probably Americans. Being polite, we thought that the conversation would end quickly, a few questions of where are you from, what are you doing here, and oh, I hope you enjoy your time, nice to meet you and "goodbye!" Little did we know, this man managed to keep us there for an hour, just talking to us.
I found that this "professor" grated at my nerves in ways that I didn't appreciate, though there were some things that he said that were interestingly insightful and perhaps necessary for the average Chinese to know. However, for us, it came off as lecturing, and I didn't appreciate his self-righteous tone as he berated us about not going to see the Great Wall of China, even though we were in Beijing for other business. As my friendly smile turned into a grimace rather quickly, and Kamla and I exchanged frantic looks of how to escape the situation, there were a few things that struck me. This gentleman, as it were, was blatantly lying to himself. As he proudly informed Kamla and I that he had burned all his bridges in the US, and that he had no intention of going back having been in Nanjing for 2.5 years and now has a fiance in Beijing, his incessant talking merely proved to show that he was deprived. He kept telling us that he avoided the expat and foreign community in China, so that he could continue practicing his Chinese, but the fact that he talked at us for an hour proved to show that he missed having an intellectual conversation with people who could not only understand him, but communicate and think for themselves. I think his only justification for talking with us, was that we weren't "white" as it were, and by all means were Chinese to some degree as well.
Although this gentleman had lived in Nanjing for 2.5 years, he was extremely ignorant of the true China. I let a lot of things slide, because there was no point in arguing with a stranger. He had simply assumed it was easier for me as I was Chinese by descent. Granted, I could sympathize with his difficulty of wanting to practice Chinese, but having everyone talk to him in English, I was frustrated with his liberal thinking. He kept saying how relaxing it was to be in China, but China is anything but relaxing, at least for people in our generation in China. However, those are details. What bothered me the most was what he said about the Law. He said: "I fight the Law." For someone who came from the US, it was sad that he had zero appreciation for the enforcement of Law that the US instates, something that I have long missed in China. Working in a law firm has given me a true insight into how things work in China, and it is a corrupt, corrupt system. He on the other hand thought China was just fine, not as corrupt and controlled by foreign banks as the US was. I was frustrated with this ignorant man, who so blindly loved China just because he was dissatisfied with how things in the US were run. I suppose ignorance is bliss, and in this case, it truly was.
I guess this proves to show that even though we have lived in China for a mere 8 months, a majority of us from Flagship have a better grasp of the inner-workings of how China ticks, the culture, and just things that you can't really learn from a book. Even though I was annoyed, it did shed some new light on something I have long forgotten, having become jaded in China.
This last weekend was a 3-day weekend, a national holiday that everyone often takes the opportunity to travel. I on the other hand, have grown much too burnt out with the hustle and bustle, and decided to stay at "home" in Nanjing. It was nice to just chill, and really have no tasks to do. It was mainly playing catch up on some much needed tasks, such as cleaning the apartment, sweeping, mopping floors, scrubbing the toilet and such. Probably more detail than anyone needs to know, but it was good to get something done.
On Monday night, Kamla and I went to Sculpting in Time to eat, and met an expat who was teaching as a professor at one of the local universities. I don't mean to complain, but meeting this gentleman was a complete waste of time. We had almost finished dinner and were preparing to go, when this total stranger next to us struck a conversation with us. Having heard us converse in English, he knew that we were probably Americans. Being polite, we thought that the conversation would end quickly, a few questions of where are you from, what are you doing here, and oh, I hope you enjoy your time, nice to meet you and "goodbye!" Little did we know, this man managed to keep us there for an hour, just talking to us.
I found that this "professor" grated at my nerves in ways that I didn't appreciate, though there were some things that he said that were interestingly insightful and perhaps necessary for the average Chinese to know. However, for us, it came off as lecturing, and I didn't appreciate his self-righteous tone as he berated us about not going to see the Great Wall of China, even though we were in Beijing for other business. As my friendly smile turned into a grimace rather quickly, and Kamla and I exchanged frantic looks of how to escape the situation, there were a few things that struck me. This gentleman, as it were, was blatantly lying to himself. As he proudly informed Kamla and I that he had burned all his bridges in the US, and that he had no intention of going back having been in Nanjing for 2.5 years and now has a fiance in Beijing, his incessant talking merely proved to show that he was deprived. He kept telling us that he avoided the expat and foreign community in China, so that he could continue practicing his Chinese, but the fact that he talked at us for an hour proved to show that he missed having an intellectual conversation with people who could not only understand him, but communicate and think for themselves. I think his only justification for talking with us, was that we weren't "white" as it were, and by all means were Chinese to some degree as well.
Although this gentleman had lived in Nanjing for 2.5 years, he was extremely ignorant of the true China. I let a lot of things slide, because there was no point in arguing with a stranger. He had simply assumed it was easier for me as I was Chinese by descent. Granted, I could sympathize with his difficulty of wanting to practice Chinese, but having everyone talk to him in English, I was frustrated with his liberal thinking. He kept saying how relaxing it was to be in China, but China is anything but relaxing, at least for people in our generation in China. However, those are details. What bothered me the most was what he said about the Law. He said: "I fight the Law." For someone who came from the US, it was sad that he had zero appreciation for the enforcement of Law that the US instates, something that I have long missed in China. Working in a law firm has given me a true insight into how things work in China, and it is a corrupt, corrupt system. He on the other hand thought China was just fine, not as corrupt and controlled by foreign banks as the US was. I was frustrated with this ignorant man, who so blindly loved China just because he was dissatisfied with how things in the US were run. I suppose ignorance is bliss, and in this case, it truly was.
I guess this proves to show that even though we have lived in China for a mere 8 months, a majority of us from Flagship have a better grasp of the inner-workings of how China ticks, the culture, and just things that you can't really learn from a book. Even though I was annoyed, it did shed some new light on something I have long forgotten, having become jaded in China.
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