Relationships

Lately I've been thinking a lot about relationships, whether it is conversations with Kamla or passages in I Corinthians about marriage, it's been something on my mind a lot.  Today, as I went to lunch with the intern, we took the opportunity to just walk around since it was the first day in weeks that we've seen the sun.  It's just been pouring the past two weeks, bouts of rainstorms and such.  So this is definitely a nice reprieve.

One of the very few advantages I have as an American-Chinese in China is that while I blend in the crowds, I am often allowed into the "inner circle" and can see the true face of China. Not to say that the Chinese are superficial, but they typically judge based on looks and trust those with the same "skin" or "face" as it were.  It is shocking how easily the Chinese trust one another.  If they consider you a friend, it's no holds bar. 

Today, as we strolled down the street, the intern bore her soul to me and told me about some of the difficulties she was facing with her relationship.  While I won't go in detail, she said essentially that her parents don't want her to see her boyfriend anymore mainly because he does not have the financial ability to support her.  She is struggling with this decision, because she likes her boyfriend; he treats her well, and she doesn't want to give up on a relationship like this over an economic consideration.

I think this reveals a stark contrast between American and Chinese culture.  As Americans, we are often too emotionally driven.  We jump into relationships based on a "feeling."  For the Chinese, they are much too practical.  In order to marry someone, a man must have a house, a car, and a stable job with a steady income, preferably with education that is slightly higher than the woman's.  This just seems too cold, and doesn't consider the individual. Where does happiness come out of all of this? 

For the American, although you may like one another, if you do not have the financial capacity to support one another, how can you live happily?  You will often get into fights about stupid things, things that you aren't prepared to face together.  For the Chinese, how can you be happy if the reason you dove into this marriage was for money?  It's much to superficial.  Since God is out of the picture here, it seems so silly to me. 

While the average American has forgotten or no longer believes, I still believe in the sanctity of marriage.  The Lord has brought people together for a reason, and He'll work it out in their lives.  I guess what these two lack is balance.  If the Chinese would consider people's feelings a little more, marriages wouldn't die so quickly and husbands and wives wouldn't be so distant from one another.  If the Americans would use their heads a little and stop thinking elsewhere (as someone would put it as "stop using their downstairs brain and start using their upstairs brain), maybe divorce wouldn't be such a surefire solution to everything. *sigh*